Monday #048. Time Stamp: 8:00 AM EST
Happy, Happy Monday love!
I hope that your week is off to a good start! My 42nd birthday was a week ago and I thank God that I am able to see another year! This past year has been so enlightening for me and I am just recognizing more and more that I am SUPER blessed! This past year has been full of so much growth. I have to say that it was the first year that I have been operating, functioning and living as a GROWN woman! What I mean by that is, I have been holding myself accountable for literally EVERYTHING in my life! Holding myself accountable for things I used to blame on others and doing my part to live the life that Jesus died to give me! This new and transformed Knetris, The Word Nerd, believes and lives as though everyday; myself and anyone connected to me is going higher! I am so thankful to have reached this level in my life! SO grateful!
Let me tell you a little about what I had to leave behind in order to reach this level in my life! When I was researching co-dependency, I felt myself getting angry all over again. I have survived several co-dependent relationships in my past. Most of them began in college when I was such a people pleaser. I have found that in most of these relationships, mainly with other females, I was always the strong one and the other party was so weak and insecure! Naturally, as we grow and evolve in life, we will grow apart from people we were once so close to. A Co-Dependent relationship can be between family members, your boss, colleagues, friends, siblings, and in anyone else who is dealing with a partnership where one person is healthy and the other is toxic! In essence, there is a severe power struggle going on and the toxic partner wants complete and total control over you! THEY are a hater that thinks they can do YOU better than YOU can do You! That is exactly what it is!
In 2006, I moved to Chicago, IL to pursue a career in Interior Design. School was wonderful and challenging and I was able to land a part time job at a custom carpet design studio. I was giving, giving, and giving my time, energy and focus to the relationships and the other party was taking, taking, TAKING advantage of me, verbally abusing and talking about me to others the entire time. A few months before moving away from Chicago, I was severally depressed and just had been so isolated from everyone. I would order take out to just throw it away when it arrived at my door. I had EVERYTHING! I had a really cute studio apartment in downtown Chicago and was enrolled in one of the MOST competitive design schools in the country. In addition to that, I already had a B.A in English from UVA so a second degree in a city as poppin as Chicago was an absolute dream! Seriously, I was living like a rockstar! BUT I was so unhappy and it was maily because of the relationships I was engaging in. At this point in my life, I was not strong enough to walk away from them yet. When you are weak, you can have a tendency to cling to anyone who will show you some love! What I needed to understand was God's love for me in that moment. It was not until I moved to Charlottesville,VA in 2007 that I began healing and therapy. I remember vividly that the manipulators I had for friends always wanted to hang around, come visit, gossip about others, and put me down during those hard times I was going through. God stepped into my life just in time to save IT AND remove them from my life. I stopped all communication from them for a season. It was so hard to do that but I have been healed as a result of being obedient!!! The devil was using them to literally kill me BUT God! God has taken their place and I know the new and healthy friendships that I am making right now are coming from him too!
If you are in a toxic or Co-Dependent relationship, It is most likely that you have not fully recognized the signs. OR maybe you have noticed some signs and you are just a little fearful to leave!
10 signs that you are in a toxic and co-dependent relationship:
10. You feel anxiety when you don't hear from the other person. Like they may feel angry with you for not being around when you are away from them.
09. Manipulate and verbally abuse you when you try to better yourself.
08. When it is difficut to be alone.
07. When they do not want you to have any space or time to yourself.
06. When they get upset at you for setting healthy boundaries for yourself.
05. When you cancel plans to be with them.
04. When they manipulate you when you share your feelings with them. They try to discredit you and how you feel on a regular basis.
03. When they do not want you to have any other relationships besides theirs.
02. When they try to keep you from your other loved ones.
01. When they never want you to seek happiness for yourself!
Ways To Fight Back In A Toxic Relationship:
05: Tell them how you truly feel.
04: Invest in some good therapy and invite your partner to join you.
03: Find a good church home and reach out to a community there to get clear on how you can help the manipulator.
02: Begin and really set some boundaries for yourself!
01: KEEP Moving forward with YOUR life! The more a toxic person sees you evolving and moving on with your life, the more it shifts the power from them to YOU! You deserve a wonderful life, away from the toxicity. The more they see that their behavior is not stopping you and your elevation, the less control they have and the more likely they will leave your life forever.
