SHAME-less Plug! My Mental Health Journey And How Therapy Saves Lives!

‘Honesty without Empathy is Brutality..’

Prominent TV Host and Radio VJ, Charlamagne Tha God, began his new show, ‘Tha God’s Honest Truth,’ with this old mantra! He has been pretty brutal with getting his guests to open up on his classic radio hit, ‘The Breakfast Club.’ But over the past 5-6 years, he has been going to therapy trying to heal some childhood issues. I watched a documentary on his life several years ago and he revealed that he had been sexually molested when he was a small child. I have supported him ever since. I have a tremendous amount of empathy for people in pain. I feel like this is one of my gifts. I have had to pray without ceasing to get to this point in my life. We often tend to think that feeling pain is a sign of weakness. But I beg to differ. Feeling pain leads to healing and healing leads to strength. Strength leads to the ability to share our journies with the world, which leads to CHANGE! Change is POWERFUL!

I moved to Mexico City, MX for a job opportunity after graduating from college. After my teaching stint ended, I moved to East Tennessee. When I arrived in Tennessee, I quickly landed a job doing what I had been trained to do, teach. I started getting word that my dear friend’s health was declining due to Diabetes. He had been battling this disease for years. He ended up passing on Memorial Day 2004. I was absolutely devastated. He and I were extremely close. This was my first experience dealing with death. I was only 22 years old. I had no idea what to do. I ended up moving to Miami, Florida, got an apartment and tried to begin a new life. This cycle began of moving around, staying for a year or so and trying to figure out why things weren’t working out. In hindsight, what I should have done was stayed in Tennessee and worked through my grief. My faith in God was there. It had never left! My mental health was really suffering and I needed to deal with it.

Fast forward about 6 years later, I was 32 and ready to deal with my health concerns. At the recommendation of my doctor, I started seeing a therapist. To be honest, therapy helps us to change the narrative we tell ourselves about our lives. Before I talk about my journey to healing, I just want to say loud and clear that there is absolutely NO shame in going to therapy. It’s actually quite the opposite. I will plug therapy for anyone who needs to heal from trauma. I believe in it. It takes a lot of bravery to confront yourself and your issues. 

Key Takeaways From Therapy And Dealing With Grief:

1. Focus on your relationship with your loved one that passed and how you made their life better while they were here!

2. Focus on your relationship with God and the lessons he wants to teach you through grief!

3. Focus on what you are moving from instead of what you’re moving to!

4. Moving forward, focus on what you are good at and how you can change lives in those spaces!

5. Yes Knetris! YOU can do hard things and you are a straight up Overcomer!!!!!

My therapist and I worked feverishly at tackling each one of these key points. Yes, I would be in tears during most of my sessions but we had laughter too. Lots of breakthroughs in there. Tears led to laughter, laughter led to healing, healing led to strength. One day I just woke up in a different space. No grief anymore. I had worked through it all. It took about two years of therapy to fully heal. Instead of holding onto grief, I started leaning on God. I went after God so hard and still do. I pray without ceasing! I reach out to loved ones and friends who are hurting. Life is hard. No, my life isn’t perfect. BUT I’m tough as nails. I am RELENTLESS! I’ve decided to use my Journey as proof that therapy works if you work IT! That is why God put it here. Since I love writing, I’ve decided to write a memoir about my life in hopes to encourage others that grief is not the end all be all. Mental Health is super important. My memoir, ‘Love Me Back To Life,’ is a love letter to God saying thank you for loving me back to life because God is the ultimate healer! Head over heels in love with my Savior! FREEDOM is a good feeling❤️❤️❤️ Because who the son sets free is free indeed! ‘John 8:36’ It’s a testimony, a new perspective, a goodbye and a thank you post!

2021 New York Fashion Week Recap💃

My obsession with fashion began in one of the most non conventional places on earth; Church! I remember my grandparents being dressed to the nines every Sunday. My grandma wore the big hats and looked so beautiful color coordinated. The bright red colors looked so beautiful against her brown skin. That obsession with fashion quickly trickled down to my parents. They would dress up my brothers, sisters and I for major holidays like Easter and Christmas. That tradition then followed us to school. We would have to dress up once a week. The frilly bows, curls and shiny shoes were just the sweetest thing.

Fast forward about 5 or 6 years later. I was 16 years old. The love of fashion was passed down to my two older sisters. I watched them be obsessed with then MTV’s, ‘House of Style!’ Amber Valletta was the host in the 90’s! Most of the models that were represented on MTV didn’t look anything like me but I continued to watch in hopes that one day, there would be more of a brown skinned modeling industry. My prayers were answered. As soon as I began moving around after college, I saw the groundwork being laid for a more diverse fashion week nationwide.

Fast forward to September 2021, New York Fashion Week. Fashion designers Helmut Lang and Brandon Maxwell were using multiple darker skinned models in their shows which I hadn’t seen before. Blackness is breaking new ground with more black models in fashion. Helmut Lang is an 81 year old Australian designer who has been representing the fashion industry since his 20’s. Then we have Brandon Maxwell, a 36 year old American designer who uses the darkest male and female models throughout fashion week. The bold, bright colors used in both these shows made the African representation even more present.

Moving on to two designers who cater more towards affluent, white women; Louis Vuitton and Dior. If you paid attention to fashion over the past several decades, you would recognize the lack of diversity in any and just about ALL of Louis Vuitton’s fashion weeks. I remember when I bought my first Louis Vuitton handbag in Miami, Florida, there were NO people of color in the store. Not a soul. This year, Vuitton used lots of shorter and curvier black women in their shows. Judging from the pictures I saw from social media, Dior followed their lead. I cannot say that I didn’t love it. Their were lots of bikini tops with bold suits and skirts with structured blazers. I really enjoyed seeing all of the diversity this year. Dior was also a lot more playful this year with an Alice In Wonderland themed fashion house.

Every year that I am able to follow #NYFW, I dream of the day when I’ll be able to attend the real deal. Prominent NY fashion influencer, Sai De Silva, has been attending fashion week for years. She has amassed a following of close to 400,000 followers on Instagram. She talks about renting clothes from Rent The Runway for a much cheaper price and how at times, designers loan her clothes for the week in exchange for endless plugs on social media. I remember attending this beautiful, plush and extremely expensive Indian wedding in 2016 at the Boston Park Plaza. A friend rented this beautiful Carolina Herrera gown for the wedding. It was breathtaking. Rent The Runway has become the premier fashion house for influencers at fashion week. When I’m able to attend in person, as opposed to watching from home, I’ll be in a position to choose between using Rent The Runway or buying my own designer clothes. I’m striving for the latter🤩 Let’s GO!