SHAME-less Plug! My Mental Health Journey And How Therapy Saves Lives!

‘Honesty without Empathy is Brutality..’

Prominent TV Host and Radio VJ, Charlamagne Tha God, began his new show, ‘Tha God’s Honest Truth,’ with this old mantra! He has been pretty brutal with getting his guests to open up on his classic radio hit, ‘The Breakfast Club.’ But over the past 5-6 years, he has been going to therapy trying to heal some childhood issues. I watched a documentary on his life several years ago and he revealed that he had been sexually molested when he was a small child. I have supported him ever since. I have a tremendous amount of empathy for people in pain. I feel like this is one of my gifts. I have had to pray without ceasing to get to this point in my life. We often tend to think that feeling pain is a sign of weakness. But I beg to differ. Feeling pain leads to healing and healing leads to strength. Strength leads to the ability to share our journies with the world, which leads to CHANGE! Change is POWERFUL!

I moved to Mexico City, MX for a job opportunity after graduating from college. After my teaching stint ended, I moved to East Tennessee. When I arrived in Tennessee, I quickly landed a job doing what I had been trained to do, teach. I started getting word that my dear friend’s health was declining due to Diabetes. He had been battling this disease for years. He ended up passing on Memorial Day 2004. I was absolutely devastated. He and I were extremely close. This was my first experience dealing with death. I was only 22 years old. I had no idea what to do. I ended up moving to Miami, Florida, got an apartment and tried to begin a new life. This cycle began of moving around, staying for a year or so and trying to figure out why things weren’t working out. In hindsight, what I should have done was stayed in Tennessee and worked through my grief. My faith in God was there. It had never left! My mental health was really suffering and I needed to deal with it.

Fast forward about 6 years later, I was 32 and ready to deal with my health concerns. At the recommendation of my doctor, I started seeing a therapist. To be honest, therapy helps us to change the narrative we tell ourselves about our lives. Before I talk about my journey to healing, I just want to say loud and clear that there is absolutely NO shame in going to therapy. It’s actually quite the opposite. I will plug therapy for anyone who needs to heal from trauma. I believe in it. It takes a lot of bravery to confront yourself and your issues. 

Key Takeaways From Therapy And Dealing With Grief:

1. Focus on your relationship with your loved one that passed and how you made their life better while they were here!

2. Focus on your relationship with God and the lessons he wants to teach you through grief!

3. Focus on what you are moving from instead of what you’re moving to!

4. Moving forward, focus on what you are good at and how you can change lives in those spaces!

5. Yes Knetris! YOU can do hard things and you are a straight up Overcomer!!!!!

My therapist and I worked feverishly at tackling each one of these key points. Yes, I would be in tears during most of my sessions but we had laughter too. Lots of breakthroughs in there. Tears led to laughter, laughter led to healing, healing led to strength. One day I just woke up in a different space. No grief anymore. I had worked through it all. It took about two years of therapy to fully heal. Instead of holding onto grief, I started leaning on God. I went after God so hard and still do. I pray without ceasing! I reach out to loved ones and friends who are hurting. Life is hard. No, my life isn’t perfect. BUT I’m tough as nails. I am RELENTLESS! I’ve decided to use my Journey as proof that therapy works if you work IT! That is why God put it here. Since I love writing, I’ve decided to write a memoir about my life in hopes to encourage others that grief is not the end all be all. Mental Health is super important. My memoir, ‘Love Me Back To Life,’ is a love letter to God saying thank you for loving me back to life because God is the ultimate healer! Head over heels in love with my Savior! FREEDOM is a good feeling❤️❤️❤️ Because who the son sets free is free indeed! ‘John 8:36’ It’s a testimony, a new perspective, a goodbye and a thank you post!

2021 New York Fashion Week Recap💃

My obsession with fashion began in one of the most non conventional places on earth; Church! I remember my grandparents being dressed to the nines every Sunday. My grandma wore the big hats and looked so beautiful color coordinated. The bright red colors looked so beautiful against her brown skin. That obsession with fashion quickly trickled down to my parents. They would dress up my brothers, sisters and I for major holidays like Easter and Christmas. That tradition then followed us to school. We would have to dress up once a week. The frilly bows, curls and shiny shoes were just the sweetest thing.

Fast forward about 5 or 6 years later. I was 16 years old. The love of fashion was passed down to my two older sisters. I watched them be obsessed with then MTV’s, ‘House of Style!’ Amber Valletta was the host in the 90’s! Most of the models that were represented on MTV didn’t look anything like me but I continued to watch in hopes that one day, there would be more of a brown skinned modeling industry. My prayers were answered. As soon as I began moving around after college, I saw the groundwork being laid for a more diverse fashion week nationwide.

Fast forward to September 2021, New York Fashion Week. Fashion designers Helmut Lang and Brandon Maxwell were using multiple darker skinned models in their shows which I hadn’t seen before. Blackness is breaking new ground with more black models in fashion. Helmut Lang is an 81 year old Australian designer who has been representing the fashion industry since his 20’s. Then we have Brandon Maxwell, a 36 year old American designer who uses the darkest male and female models throughout fashion week. The bold, bright colors used in both these shows made the African representation even more present.

Moving on to two designers who cater more towards affluent, white women; Louis Vuitton and Dior. If you paid attention to fashion over the past several decades, you would recognize the lack of diversity in any and just about ALL of Louis Vuitton’s fashion weeks. I remember when I bought my first Louis Vuitton handbag in Miami, Florida, there were NO people of color in the store. Not a soul. This year, Vuitton used lots of shorter and curvier black women in their shows. Judging from the pictures I saw from social media, Dior followed their lead. I cannot say that I didn’t love it. Their were lots of bikini tops with bold suits and skirts with structured blazers. I really enjoyed seeing all of the diversity this year. Dior was also a lot more playful this year with an Alice In Wonderland themed fashion house.

Every year that I am able to follow #NYFW, I dream of the day when I’ll be able to attend the real deal. Prominent NY fashion influencer, Sai De Silva, has been attending fashion week for years. She has amassed a following of close to 400,000 followers on Instagram. She talks about renting clothes from Rent The Runway for a much cheaper price and how at times, designers loan her clothes for the week in exchange for endless plugs on social media. I remember attending this beautiful, plush and extremely expensive Indian wedding in 2016 at the Boston Park Plaza. A friend rented this beautiful Carolina Herrera gown for the wedding. It was breathtaking. Rent The Runway has become the premier fashion house for influencers at fashion week. When I’m able to attend in person, as opposed to watching from home, I’ll be in a position to choose between using Rent The Runway or buying my own designer clothes. I’m striving for the latter🤩 Let’s GO!

Are You A Treasure Hunter Or A Field Inspector?

I was blessed to attend Faith Christian Center International located in Charlottesville, VA from 2008-2013!!! For five years, I faithfully attended church and bible study in hopes to get set free from baggage that seemed to follow me everywhere prior to coming into this particular house of worship! Pastor Wayne Frye taught a life changing bible study on a night where I was at my wits end and struggling to overcome shame and fear! He posed a question to the congregation ‘Are you a Treasure Hunter or a Field Inspector?’ I was very caught off guard because I had never heard of this language before. After doing some research for this blog post, I was pleasantly surprised at what these two jobs meant and how they related to me spiritually!

Treasure Hunting is the physical search for treasure. Treasure hunters try to find sunken ships and retrieve artifacts for market value. In order to find any treasure, they most always need a GPS! Field Inspectors gather information and perform property value appraisals of residential and commercial properties. Field Inspectors perform most of their work on the surface level of houses! They may even use a tape measure or take pictures of properties they are assigned to. There are no qualifications to becoming a Field Inspector! On the other hand, becoming a Treasure Hunter takes much practice, skill and experience.

To break this down even further, biblically, Treasure Hunters are constantly seeking God. They have been trained by the Holy Spirit to seek God in every area of life! These believers have developed a deep relationship with Christ and continuously seek his face. That depth comes from putting faith above feelings trial after trial. After every trial, is a reward! As long as Treasure Hunters continue to go deep, they find treasure. The GPS is God! Field Inspectors stay on the surface with God where there isn’t much depth. They do just enough to get by and do not really have the desire to go deeper with God. When I say ‘deeper’ I mean reading God’s word on a regular basis, attending a bible based church, and carrying a sincere heart while letting God lead you through challenges in life! We are all a work in progress! What helps me to stay connected to Christ is definitely praying for God’s will to be done in my life. Because ultimately, what God wants for me is what I need. It’s easy to go ahead of him and we all have a tendency to stay stuck in the past! That’s another blog post in itself. I try to study God’s word daily because it’s sharper than a two edged sword! At this point in my life, I am striving to become a Treasure Hunter!

Here are three key points to strengthen your ‘Treasure Hunting’ skills! 

1. Keep a journal. 

Make a habit of daily journaling to let God know how you feel about how your life is going. P.S. He already knows😊 Some things to keep in mind when journaling are to write down triggers in your day that cause your mood to shift from happy to sad. You can also write down to do lists so you aren’t so overwhelmed as the day goes along!

2. Alone Time.

I have found that for me, the main thing that’s kept my mental health in tact is having a significant amount of alone time. It’s true that we need time to be around our peers but alone time is just as dire! I spend alone time when I meditate. Meditation helps to clear the clutter from our minds and gives us a fresh perspective.

3. Practice Gratitude.

Like the saying goes, ‘An attitude of gratitude is the BEST form of Thanksgiving!’ I believe in this whole heartedly! I try to practice gratitude by reaching out to loved ones and friends on a regular basis. I thank God for the family and friends he has placed in my life! I send a quick text to my family and practice uplifting them! I’ll go outside and listen to Spotify on a nice day. In addition to that, I try to exercise at least 30 minutes a day! I thank God for the sun and the ability to get fresh air! When I do that, I feel God is pleased! This allows him to see that you are a good steward over what he has given you! AND this is what a true Treasure Hunter would do😊

Hope this helps!

Broken Relationships!!

RECONCILIATION. /n./the restoration of friendly relations.

RECONCILIATION. In biblical terms: Bringing in Unity, Harmony, or Agreement that has been alienated.

Listen, Let me just clear the air! To everyone who is reading or will read this blog post, everyone of us will be offended at some point in our lives! YES, offenses will come! You can bank on that. BUT in one of my favorite scriptures, Luke 17:1-4, Jesus says ‘…it is impossible that no offenses should come…’ and to expect them! If and when we decide to reconcile with the ones who have offended us solely determines our eternal destiny!

Broken relationships will hinder us from fulfilling our calling! You may have monetary success but you will never get what God truly wants to give you in this lifetime! We must find it in our hearts to forgive those who have offended us. We must seek reconciliation. Countless relationships fail due to a simple misunderstanding, an accident or unintentional failure, words or actions that occur in the heat of the moment, or because of a calculated plan of retaliation or deceit. Many adults reflect on a troubled childhood, wishing they could reverse the action of their youth and reverse their past. 

Most of us never take the time to make the first move, speak up and come to God’s throne with a humble heart! First and foremost, one has to have a humble and contrite heart. God knows each one of our hearts, intentions and whether we are sincere or not. We must also forgive! The bible says to forgive ‘7x77 times daily! Most of us stay silent about being offended and take our resentment to the grave. BUT, the fact that Christ made his greatest sacrifice on our behalf , while we were yet sinners, should move us to seek reconciliation with those with whom we have experienced betrayal, conflict, or misunderstanding.

When I have felt offended or offended someone in the past, in order to truly forgive that person/persons, I first spend some time in prayer and meditation. I cannot tell you where the other party’s heart is, but God knows my heart. All that God requires me to do is come to him with a humble, meek and sincere heart. Forgiveness is the same way! If I have intentionally hurt someone, it is my job to go to that person and ask for forgiveness! I get into some scripture about forgiveness and then go to God and ask for forgiveness from him. With a contrite and humble heart, God can forgive me, as well as anyone else! Forgiveness truly sets us free!

Focused on the Fruit! Faithful over the small…

Accomplished Pastor, Author and Worship Leader, Steven Furtick; has been blessed to preach and teach the incomparable word of God! I recently stumbled upon one of his most recent sermons on Youtube titled, ‘Focus On The Fruit!’ Just by looking at the title, one would associate ‘Fruit’ to Fruits of the Spirit! One could also make the assumption that ‘fruit’ or harvest are the blessings that God has stored up for us as rewards after making it through a difficult season of waiting! BUT, In my opinion, you cannot talk about one without the other!

The objective in a believers walk with Christ is to grow in discipleship, but there will always be someone or something trying to ‘choke the growth’ along the way. Everyone of us is waiting for something! Whether big or small, we make our requests known to God and we wait! I know it hurts when God says wait. Trust me! I am waiting for a few things right now. But whether we know it or not, the waiting seasons transform us. Most of us are totally oblivious to what we need during waiting seasons. They are uncomfortable, lonely and down right awful if we let them. I like to use the analogy, God is taking us from ‘odd to awed!’ Those odd seasons can be used to get to know God on a deeper level. We can get to know ourselves better and can let these seasons polish and refine us in such a way to equip us for the answers that God will soon provide us with. 

Steven Furtick would have believers to focus on the fruit during our times of waiting. The Holy Spirit comes to produce in us the nine fruits of the spirit, which are, love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, forbearance, self control and gentleness. The fruits of the spirit do nothing but Transform us into the woman or man that God has called us to be. They can be the gift that God wants us to have during a hard waiting season. If we spend enough time with him throughout this season, we will gradually be blessed with the fruits of the spirit. As a believer, the objective is to keep your eyes focused on God so we don't miss any opportunities to grow in Christ. FOCUS on the FRUIT!!!

INSIDE OUT!

Stories of Transformation from Fear to Faith.....

The 2015 Pixar film, 'Inside Out' aims to teach kids about their emotions and how to overcome the ones they cannot understand! In other words, the underlying message is to teach kids how to Life! The theme is for Riley, the main character, to learn how to properly process Joy, Disgust, Sadness, Anger and Fear. There was a character for every emotion. Riley slips into a deep depression throughout the movie and learns how to understand her personality and that throughout life, she may experience different feelings according to what is going on around and within her. Out of all of the emotions expressed in the movie, Fear was the hardest to understand. Sort of like Fear has been one of the hardest to overcome in my personal life. Watching 'Inside Out' was one of the BEST movies I have seen that actually helps individuals young and old to understand Fear. Throughout the movie, Riley conquers each emotion and is transformed from the inside out!

'Psalm 138:3'-On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul!

There are many stories about transformation in the Holy Bible. Out of all of the brave and powerful women in the bible, Dorcas' story is similar to parts of my journey towards deliverance. The one aforementioned is the story of Dorcas or 'Tabitha,' which is what most people called her. Dorcas was a disciple in Joppa. She helped everyone but herself. She was fearful of putting herself first! She built a reputation for being compassionate, resourceful, and very generous. She willfully and blissfully served her community. Just because we do good things for people doesn't mean bad things can't happen. Dorcas used her needle for the glory of God. Despite her good deeds and generosity, Dorcas became sick and she died. In the bible, God used Peter to resurrect Dorcas and bring her back to life. This was God's will, for Dorcas to lead people to Christ. The transformation happened when she trusted God!

Not prominent figures in the bible but leading ladies in their own right, Helen Keller and Mother Teresa were both very powerful women who had to endure a grueling transformation with God. Helen Keller was plagued with a disease when she was a baby that caused her to be both blind and deaf. She had to endure the uncertainty of her ailments throughout life. She was very fearful. The way she transformed that fear into triumph was by pure servitude. She served others instead of focusing on her dis-ease. She later became an author and an all around leader. Her transformation was built from humility, as was with Mother Teresa.

Mother Teresa was a Romain Catholic nun and missionary. She began missionary work with the poor in 1948. With no income, she begged for food and supplies, and experienced doubt, loneliness and the temptation to return to the comfort of convent life. Mother Teresa was very fearful. Her transformation came when in 1979, she won The Nobel Peace Prize for her work helping HIV/Aids patients and different charities she headed up. She continued giving, serving and leading on many international platforms.

Next Stop...FAITH Plaza!

Contentment VS Reaching for More!!

FAITH Plaza is a fictional place where believers can rejoice, worship, fellowship, sing and dance, as well as stay faithful through life's struggles. As a more seasoned believer of Christ, I visit FAITH Plaza when I need encouragement to move through life. When I first started cultivating a more serious and intimate relationship with God, I struggled with unbelief from time to time. I questioned God on a regular basis. At this point in my life, around my early 30's, I was losing friendships, people close to me were landing their dream jobs, and a lot of college acquaintances, including my two younger sisters, were getting married and having babies. I had a lot of baggage that needed to be addressed and because none of those blessings were happening in my life, I felt totally left out. But, 'Isaiah 55:8-9' tells us that God's ways are not our ways. God is the Master and he can do whatever he wants to do, for whoever he wants to, when he wants to do it. After much praying, seeking and knocking; God answered. He revealed that he had a plan for me too. What I didn't realize was that while all of my friends were getting blessed, God must be in my neighborhood! You see, when God blesses your neighbor, YOU are next in line for a miracle!! This made me joyful and most of all, CONTENT! The more I connected with God, the more joyful and content I became!

'For he satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.'-'Psalm 107:9' The topic of discussion for this post is how to remain content while striving for more! Some have said, 'The soul of a man is so big that ONLY God can fill it.' The thirst for more will always be just that, 'A Thirst For More.' For a lifetime, the lack of true contentment can elude us and we will continue seeking satisfaction along paths that lead us to dead ends! The lack of true contentment versus that unquenchable thirst opens the doors of comparison to others, fear , worry, envy and unrealized expectations. God's word gives us true Contentment, Encouragement, as well as Patience! HIS love embraces us which brings satisfaction regardless of our circumstances! It is okay to want more, just make sure your more is rooted in God!!